Archive for July 14th, 2010

Dirty Minds

Over the weekend, a friend of one of my roommates was staying with us, in our luxuriously dilapidated tenament. She freely admits she has a bit of a dirty mind; this lack-of-innocence coupled with the generally high levels of sarcasm present in our household led to an interesting exchange.

See, there are a bunch of us, and one bathroom. As a result, whenever someone wants to bathe or shower, it’s standard operating procedure to check and make sure that nobody has any especially pressing need to use the porcelain throne beforehand. Responses to these inquries can range from “yeah, whatever” to “go ahead” to “don’t let me stop you” to “oh please yes” to “have fun”…

On Saturday, one of the male roommates went through this routine, and was, erm, cleared to commence showering. One of the female roommates – in front of the visiting friend – responded to the “I’m going to shower now” statement with “have fun”. A simple, harmlessly sarcastic sort of comment, right?

Well, the visiting friend interpreted that exchange to mean that the male and female roommate were in a relationship – which they aren’t – and that she’d just given him permission to perform a, um, “manual override” in the shower, which was not the case. To make things even more interesting, the friend then decided that the only reason she’d give him “permission” to you-know-what is because the friend’s presence over the weekend was getting in the way of their romancin’, so she really awkwardly spent most of the weekend either trying to get them together (on the same couch, side-by-side at the dinner table, or whatever), or announcing that she’d be on the deck, reading a book and listening to headphones for the next ninety minutes, or was going to go see a movie, didn’t I (the only other person home at the time) want to come with, hint hint?

Eventually Sunday afternoon the female roommate confronted the friend over why she was acting so strange and being a total dick – “you said you came to see me, but we haven’t done anything together and it seems like you’re avoiding me!” – and the whole grand confusion was sorted out with some not terribly flattering sort of denials. “You thought I’d date him? Ugh!”

All that drama because of two not-terribly-innuendo-laden-at-all, mildly sarcastic words, a dirty mind, and (probably) some sort of psychological issue.

Moral of the story: everyone pleasures themself in the shower, and it’s your moral duty to explicitly discourage this at every possible opportunity, otherwise squickiness, angst, carpal tunnel, and strained friendships will result…

Published in: General | on July 14th, 2010 | No Comments »