In just two short months, the gluttonous spectacle of crassness and debauchery that is the Republican National Convention will be taking place here in Saint Paul. Along with the sleazy politicians and lobbyists, their aides, wives, mistresses, hookers, drug dealers, and other hangers-on, there will also be a large number of angry young men and women protesting and demonstrating against, really, just about everything. Since at least a few of these young whippersnappers are intent on mayhem, things at the convention – or, at least, in the streets downtown, near the convention – could get kind of interesting, in a pucker-factor-seven, rioters-clashing-with-police kind of way.
I don’t mind pepper-spray too much; it’s basically just food-grade hot sauce in a spray can, and tastes good on chicken. (No, really.) Tear gas, on the other hand, doesn’t taste nearly so good, and is something I can really live without. (More unpleasant than ‘rhoids, but easier to get rid of.) Unfortunately, it’s also a pretty indiscriminate, area-effect weapon, and while I intend to adhere strictly to both parts of Niven’s First Law, those CN and CS particles can’t tell I’m one of the good guys. (Mmmm, nanotech riot-control agents…) So, what’s a homeboy to do? Buy a gasmask, that’s what…
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