In a hobby that has more than it’s share of simply retared, absolutely idiotic prepubescent dumbasses, John G. Fellman, Nathan D. Harkness, and Luke A. Towle, all students at Saint Paul’s tony Northwestern College, deserve some sort of award. While I don’t (yet!) have a copy of the arrest report available, this press release by the Saint Paul Police (Adobe PDF file) tells quite the story of, um, stupidity.

These tools are not urban explorers. They’re dumbasses, and vandals. I really, sincerely hope the city attorney throws the book at them, because if ever anyone needed a wake-up-call and a clue, it’s these kiddies.

Not much enjoying their newfound publicity as Urban Explorers, the lads from Wide Open seem to have taken their website down. Well, shucks. Since the public deserves to know who, exactly, is running amok thru their streets at night, it seems only fair to reproduce their home page (Adobe PDF file) and their about us page (Adobe PDF file) for posterity. An earlier version of their website, sans pictures, can be accessed here, and those with a misguided desire to learn far more than they ever really wanted to know (I warned you!) can click here, for, well… you’ll see.

Oh, and media folks trying to get ahold of the terrible threesome, John Fellman can be reached at Jfell27@hotmail.com, and Luke Towle can be reached at Mtbbiker41@hotmail.com . That other guy probably doesn’t want to be contacted, either, but he at least wasn’t stupid enough to leave his email address on the web where anyone could find it…

According to sources, three dumbasses - two of them members of the “band” Wide Open, were arrested early this morning in downtown Saint Paul. It seems these idiots - Jesus freaks John Fellman and Luke Towle, and probably-Jesus freak Nathan Harkness - thought it’d be a good idea to explore the sewers and tunnels under downtown. Now, I’ve no problem with that… but they thought opening a manhole on Kellogg, right by City Hall, was a good idea. Fucking morons. Jesus goes in, brain goes out.

Arrested for burglary, possession of burglary tools, and making terroristic threats, they were released without charge. I wonder if God told them to do it?

Some people well and truly should not be allowed on the internet. I used to think it was just AOL users and Republicans… but some people are just so damnably stupid, that they should be classified as a danger to society and banned from ever using a computer, for the good of mankind. Yikes…

The Hamm’s / Stroh’s Brewery in Saint Paul burned today, at least partially. Photos of the place can be seen here. Officials say the fire was “suspicious”; I have a pretty good idea how it might have happened.