The RNC is Coming: Are You Prepared?

Two weeks from today, the glorious mediapathic celebration of the illusion of choice that is the 2008 Republican National Convention kicks off here in friendly little Saint Paul, Minnesota. Yeah, two weeks left before the excrement hits the air-circulation system. Among other things, that means now is the time - if you’re going to do it - to prepare for the predicted chaos and mayhem that could engulf the Twin Cities area.

Is it going to be bad? Probably. To be quite honest, if you don’t have to go anywhere near downtown Saint Paul between August 29th and September 6th, don’t. If you can call in sick or use vacation time for that week, do it, you lucky dog, you.

Those of us who work downtown, or who travel through downtown, and who can’t hide from the Great Anarchist Get-together, Midwestern Edition (or, if you prefer, the Autonomous Police State of Saint Paul), might want to make a few preparations. I’m not talking about plastic sheets and duct tape, or stockpiling food and water - I’m talking about more, ah, pragmatic preparations. Here’s what I’ll be commuting with during the RNC:

First off, a gas mask, obviously. With a filter, or two. I haven’t heard any rumors that the police are planning to ban them; even if they are, I’m willing to risk it - good luck spotting the mask in my laptop bag, guys. If you don’t want to pay a lot of money for a good, current gas mask please, for crying out loud, don’t buy a surplus Russian, Finnish, Bulgarian, German, or Israeli gas mask. If you’re really being cheap look on eBay for full-face respirators - any of the 3M masks, any of the SEA masks, any of the North masks, and newer MSA respirators like the Ultra-Twin will provide excellent protection from tear gas and pepper spray… just make sure the respirator comes with filters; you want “P100″ protection, at a minimum. If you get an MSA Ultra-Twin, most larger home-improvement stores should carry “GME-P100″ cartridges that will fit, and work perfectly.

If you don’t want to pay $30-50 for a gas mask, at least spend $15 and get some decontamination wipes designed to counter the effects of tear gases and pepper spray. I like Sudecon wipes, from Fox Labs, but you might also get a couple Bioshield wipes, instead (or as well). Keep in mind, proper application of either product requires at least two towelettes. If even $15 for some purpose-made decontamination wipes is too rich for your budget, some cops swear by Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo. I’ve never tried it, but it seems like it’d be really, really messy - and you’re still going to want something to wipe your face with, after using it, as far as I can tell. You might want to stick a couple wet-wipes or similar sorts of things in your purse or pockets that week - if not to help decontaminate from riot-control agents, then to help clean up just in case the unwashed primates on the streets really do start flinging their doo doo.

That covers the foul and unpleasant things that might be flying through the air - what about the simply dangerous? Police insist they won’t be using rubber bullets, but have said nothing about “pepperballs” or bean-bag rounds, and on the other side of the fences you can anticipate anarchists to be throwing anything from the aforementioned feces to rocks, bricks, and bottles. It’s not impossible that a couple garbage cans, mailboxes, or similar items could go flying around the streets of Saint Paul, and woe be he or she who gets in the way.

If you know basic first-aid, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you’ll probably want to be carrying with you: rolls and pads of gauze, a cohesive bandage or two, and various small adhesive bandages are probably a good start. Antiseptic wipes would probably be a good idea. A triangular bandage (or “cravat”) probably isn’t unreasonable. Latex or nitrile gloves would be smart, especially if you might decide to break down in a moment of weakness and help someone less-prepared than you.

If you’re more highly skilled at the emergency medical arts, or more pessimistic about the likelihood of serious injuries during the convention, more advanced medical supplies aren’t entirely out of the question; I’ll be carrying an emergency bandage in my gas mask, er, laptop, bag, along with some other first-aid supplies.

If you’re relying on public transport during the convention, expect disruptions, and carry cash for taxis, if necessary. I’d also suggest carrying a radio; if there’s no bus service where you are - and there’s supposed to be - it might be because of the anarchists’ plans to blockade major intersections. If that’s the case, taxis might not be able to reach you, either; local public radio stations, or even one of the big AM news/talk stations, might give you the information you need to walk to a place where a bus - or a taxi - can actually get to you. If you’re not familiar with the area, you might want a street map, as well…

(Yeah, you could always ask a friendly police officer - but the majority of the cops on the streets during the convention will be from out of town, and may have only the foggiest idea, if that, of where you are in relation to, say, “Seven Corners”, or “the High Bridge” - let alone where the nearest accessible on-ramp to 35E is at.)

Even if the protests stay low-key and generally non-violent, which I’m a little skeptical about, remember that there are going to be thousands and thousands of anarchists on the street. Put another way, the city will be filled with people who rarely bathe, brush their teeth, or change their clothes. By mid-afternoon on a hot, sunny day, you might need a gas mask just to stand the stench of the protesters. (I’m not kidding, either; some of the activists in town are downright freaking ripe. Seriously, dudes, you know you smell bad when Metro Transit drivers are complaining about you, okay?) A less drastic measure to deal with the eau d’radical is an old cop trick - a dab of Vicks VapoRub under the nose - or even up each nostril. Believe me, it works - and by the afternoon of September 4th, the last day of the convention, a little jar of Vicks is going to be worth its weight in gold here in the Twin Cities. If you’d prefer, you can always buy purpose-made products for this use, but, seriously, a $2 jar of VapoRub won’t do you wrong.

What else should you be carrying? Food - a couple granola bars or a bag of trail mix may help if you find yourself trapped downtown, trapped on a bus, or trapped in traffic. A bottle of water, or two - the first week in September, even in Minnesota, can be hot, and the only thing worse than winding up in the emergency room for heatstroke or dehydration is winding up in an emergency room full of broken and bleeding activists. A pair of gloves might not be a bad idea - if you get caught up in a crowd, and fall, a $3 pair of gloves might mean going home with all the skin on your palms intact.

That’s all I can think of, offhand, but I’d just like to close with a sort of pessimistic note of caution: Even if the demonstrations go off peacefully, and there are no major problems, there will still be stuff going on that the police - and media - aren’t necessarily going to be warning you about. Every professional pickpocket within a three-state radius will probably be in the Twin Cities for the convention; plan accordingly to protect yourself. Likewise, every woman - and more than a few men - of negotiable affection in the region will be in the area, hoping to cash in on the convention. These fine, fun folks will be bringing with them their own support staff of pimps and drug dealers, of course. Don’t think the police aren’t aware of this; they are, and will most likely be taking action about it - even if they, and the media, don’t talk about these less shiny sides of the convention. So, I’m just saying - even if there are no anarchists around you, you could still find yourself in the middle of a world of trouble during the convention; there will be a lot of people in town only to take advantage of well-meaning “Minnesota Nice” folks who should know better, but don’t. Think carefully about what you’re doing out there, and when in doubt, play it safe. Believe me, it’s better than some of the alternatives…

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