Revenge of the Blue Dots

Last week, I wrote about the mysterious marks that had recently appeared on some - but not all - manhole covers throughout downtown Saint Paul. Yesterday, reader Tom Elko posted a story and video on the subject to the website of the Minnesota Independent, noting that all the marked manholes - and only the marked manholes - have now been welded, as predicted.

Nevermind that nobody in Public Works knows about this - or is willing to talk about it; let’s have a look at the inexplicably arbitrary application of security measures ourselves, shall we:

Above are two manhole covers, not ten feet apart, last week; the one on the left has a dot of blue spray-paint, the one on the right doesn’t. Now, here are the same two manholes, today:

As I noted last week, the lid here wasn’t seated in its collar very well, and protrudes a good half-inch above the sidewalk - thereby presenting a new and much more immediate safety threat. Did the Phantom Welders(tm) do anything about this when they struck with their torches?

Nope.

Every time I start thinking about manhole covers, and how they’re welded to prevent them from being removed and used as weapons, my mind turns to those hundreds of little six- to eight-inch brass or steel covers you see in sidewalks all over, covering gas or water shutoff valves, and the Gods alone know what else. Can you enter one? No. Is there enough room under one to plant a bomb? Not really, no. Do they ever get welded? Not that I’m aware of, no. Should you be concerned? Heck yeah.

Why? Well, don’t tell anyone, but I was on the track-and-field team in junior high, many years ago. Among other events I competed in, I threw the shot-put… and the discus. So, to me, when I start thinking about manholes being used as weapons, I look at those little brass utility covers, and think how far I - or a rather healthier anarchist - could throw one. I’m guessing about half a city block; the little covers are rather lighter than a competition discus. Hurl a few of those into a crowd, and I’d say your odds of crippling, if not killing, someone are pretty good.

Well, let’s just be thankful only good people show up to protest political conventions, and the protests never, ever turn violent, eh?