One Final Injustice From Our Combine Overlords

Damn, I’ve been sick the last couple of days. I’m still not recovered, but…

So, anyway, one of my aunts is a nurse, and I sort of accidentally got her hooked on Half-Life. See, she’d heard about Portal, so I got her a copy of The Orange Box and installed it for her. After she beat Portal, she turned to Half-Life 2, Episode 2… decided it was interesting but didn’t make much sense, so went and bought all the earlier games on Steam, and quickly turned into an addict.


Anyway, we recently had an interesting conversation about an unforeseen side-effect of the Combine’s oh-so-benevolent actions here on Earth…

As you probably know, in the Half-Life storyline, the Combine presence on Earth is… disrupted… by Gordan Freeman et al in (roughly) 2020. At the end of (I think) Episode Two, Dr. Breen and (possibly) others mention that the “suppression field” is gone, and so people should, ahem, take the opportunity to get on with making the next generation of earthlings, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

As near as I can make it out, the suppression field gets installed in 2011 or so. (See here.) In-game, it’s implied that the suppression field not just removes the ability to procreate successfully, but the desire to, ah, go through the motions, for, you know, recreational reasons.

So, nine years without nookie. (Or, as those of us who play video games like to think of it… high-school and college.) Even casual non-reproductive nookie, as far as I can tell.

It’s probable, my aunt suggests, that a goodly number of survivors in the post-Combine future are (still) carrying asymptomatic STD infections, particularly chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV, and are unaware of this. As people start getting busy re-populating planet Earth, it’s also quite possible that they’ll unleash an outbreak of STDs on a scale hitherto unseen.

(Don’t worry, she half-snarked. Gordon’s probably clean, either by virtue of being a physicist virgin, or thanks to the meddling of the Vortigaunt. And he’s unlikely to catch anything from Alyx, thanks (again) to the Vortigaunt. And it’s unlikely that Episode Three will be entirely about a hunt for antibiotics, as amusing as that would be. “What is it, Gordon?” “Just Cipro. Maybe good if we come down with anthrax, not so much so if we catch that drug-resistant Indonesian junk that’s going ’round.” “What do boats have to do with anything? And aren’t Junks Chinese?” “Sigh…”)

She suggests a public-education campaign, and investments in efforts to produce new condom factories. As part of the former, she suggests posters with slogans like Don’t Boff That Rebel Medic: She Might Be Carrying More Than a Pulse-Rifle!

Man, I have some weird relatives. Anyway, I’ve been awake for about an hour now, so I think it’s time to curl up and try to fall asleep again…

Published in: Geekiness, General | on October 18th, 2010| Comments Off on One Final Injustice From Our Combine Overlords

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