Not What It Looks Like, Honest

This morning, I had to sit in on a meeting at work about prospective changes to the company’s drug-screening policies. Apparently, we can cut our insurance costs if we introduce random mandatory drug tests and adopt a zero-tolerance policy on drug use, and in these economic times, well… any penny that can be pinched is good, right?

I didn’t really want to be there, and I really didn’t need to be there – it wasn’t so much a collaborative meeting as one of those fun “here’s what we’re going to do” meetings. What, you screwed up everyone’s schedules for this? But, hey, the conference room is heated, and it’s about ten degrees below zero, Fahrenheit, outside right now, so it could have been worse.

It wasn’t entirely a waste, though…

See, yesterday morning I was making breakfast for myself and one of the roommates – scrambled eggs and sausage and toast. Somewhere along the way, frying the sausage, I splattered my right arm with hot grease. Not really a problem or anything; it happens.

Except that this morning, I’m being introduced to a nurse who’s giving part of the presentation on the proposed zero-tolerance drug policy, right? We shake hands, and she doesn’t let go for a few moments, staring at… the inside of my right elbow. Where three or four drops of hot grease landed yesterday morning, and where I’ve now got a couple of nice little welts that look at first glance quite a bit like “track marks” from intravenous drug use.

It was awkward.

I mean, what do you say? “I’m not a drug user”? Bit defensive, innit? How about “I’m not a heroin junkie, honest”? I think that might qualify as a suspiciously specific denial, don’t you?

I opted for silence, hoping that a medical professional would be able to spot the difference between a grease burn and an injection site. Still, if my decision not to have cold pizza for breakfast yesterday means I’m going to have to randomly whizz in a cup at work, I’m going to be a little pissed… no pun intended.

Published in: Geekiness, General | on January 4th, 2010| Comments Off on Not What It Looks Like, Honest

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