I Still Hate Thanksgiving

I survived an extended-family Thanksgiving dinner, and all I got to show for it was… indigestion?

One potentially educational anecdote: Upon arriving at the site of the dinner, I was pressed into service to help make gravy. No worries – mix up a roux, made with drippings from the bird, and brown as necessary. Add some more drippings to make the gravy… and then things start going horribly wrong. It achieves a nice gravy-like consistency, and then begins to separate, with a strange layer of liquid on top of the gravy I’ve never seen before.

Okay, don’t panic… just add cornstarch, right? Hmmn, let’s taste it first, shall we?

It tasted – and I’m swear I’m not exaggerating – a bit like what I imagine transmission fluid tastes like. Used transmission fluid, with a hint of rat wee-wee and motor oil.

What the heck, I ask the cook. This strange gravylike substance is sweet.

Oh, yeah, says the cook. The bird is stuffed with apples, cherries, and other fruit that have been soaked overnight in hard apple cider, so those “drippings” are maybe five percent grease and poultry juices, and ninety-five percent fruit juices. Didn’t I mention that?

Entropic Memes Top Tip: Do not under any circumstances try to make gravy from fruit juice. It does not work.

Even their dog didn’t want any…

I wound up making actual gravy from chicken stock and some bacon fat I found in the fridge, and Thanksgiving was saved, yay.

Stuffing a bird with a whole bunch of fruit actually produces some quite moist and nice-tasting meat, don’t get me wrong. Just don’t eat the fruit after, or try to do anything with the juices left in the bottom of the roasting pan…

Published in: 'D' for 'Dumb', General | on November 27th, 2009| No Comments »

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