A week or two ago, I was watching an episode of Dirty Jobs, the Discovery Channel show that launched Mike Rowe to international stardom, about a camel farm in California. In that episode, there was mention of a male camel with a couple sexual hangups – in particular, it was said, he’d courted and eventually had an intimate relationship with a Bobcat tractor, if I recall correctly.

That got me thinking…

We’ve all known people who are easily amused by vaguely phallic-shaped objects, because they’ve got crude and uncomplicated minds. I don’t know that looking at a vaguely phallic rock formation in the mountains actually ‘turns anyone on’ in this day and age – but I don’t find nekkidness arousing, so my expertise in this area might be questionable.

I do know that there seems to be something the delicate curves of people’s calves and knees that gives small boy dogs raging monkey boners on sight… and, like I said, apparently a camel in California has harbored dirty thoughts about a small piece of construction equipment.

I have no idea what turns squirrels, cats, rats, rabbits, deer, geese, hedgehogs, or mink on, but I guess it’s safe to assume there are things out there that makes the young woodland critters giggle and the older, wiser, more mature critters blush. Think of it as the animal-kingdom version of Rule 34: if you can think of it, it probably turns some animal, somewhere, on. I mean, we really have no idea what most animals find attractive, you know? It could be anything.

Keep that in mind the next time you’re out hiking or camping or whatever, and someone starts going on about the beauty and innocence of nature, okay? It might just be… a moss-covered fallen tree, say, or a water-rounded white rock, to you and I, but there’s a chance it’s actually the sort of thing that thirteen-line ground squirrels, maybe, find incredibly beautiful and erotic. You can’t really know – and you can’t really disprove it, either.

Published in: Geekiness, General | on November 18th, 2009| Comments Off on Xenopornology

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