Bring Out Your Dead

Several years ago, boffins at Kansas State University performed a comprehensive examination of the available methods of – wait for it – carcass disposal. The motivation was fairly benign – prompted, probably, by problems faced overseas during large-volume animal culls (BSE in England, avian flu throughout Asia), the researchers wanted to figure out the best options for safely and efficiently disposing of large numbers of animal carcasses should there be an outbreak of similar diseases here. Or, because this was that great, paranoid post-9/11 era, because a gajillion livestock had been infected by terrorist bioweapons.

Not to be giving anyone any ideas they didn’t already have by this point, but I first became aware of this report a couple days ago, when I stumbled across it on a file-sharing site, where the description helpfully (?) noted that while dealing strictly with livestock, any disposal method that works on four-legged animals should work just as well with two-legged animals. Wink, wink.

I’m sure, by the way, that they meant, you know, if you finally get tired of geese pooping all over your lawn, and decide to take matters into your own hand, you’ll know what to do after reading this report. I mean, geese do have two legs, right?

Anyway, whether you have terrorist waterfowl to dispose of, or just appreciate obscure and useless knowledge for the pure and unadulterated intellectual happiness it provides, you can check out “Carcass Disposal: A Comprehensive Review” here. Kansas State only makes the report available as a whole bunch of PDF files, one per chapter, which is nice if you just want to skip right to, say, Chapter 8: Non-Traditional and Novel Techniques (683KB PDF) (which includes, among other things, the preparation and use of napalm to destroy carcasses), but not so useful if you want to read the whole thing. To that end, I’ve made available a single PDF of the entire document right here (11.3MB PDF!).

Enjoy… and don’t do anything that Jack Bauer wouldn’t do, right?

Published in: Geekiness, General, Security | on March 18th, 2009| 1 Comment »

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  1. On 3/18/2009 at 7:24 pm Rick Said:

    My google-fu isn’t very good but I remember serving in Michigan and our map included a mass burial site for pcb contaminated livestock, mostly dairy cows.